I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my
life ...
Procrastinating and rationalizing.
It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.
"These are interesting times. We don't trust the government, we don't trust the legal system, we don't trust the media, and we don't trust each other! We've undermined all authority, and with it, the basis for replacing it! It's like a six-year-old's dream come true!"
"That's the whole problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder."
That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
I don't need to compromise my principles, because they don't have the slightest bearing on what happens to me anyway.
Calvin: I'm a genius, but I'm a misunderstood genius.
Hobbes: What's misunderstood about you?
Calvin: Nobody thinks I'm a genius.
Calvin : I think we have got enough information now, don't you?
Hobbes : All we have is one "fact" that you made up.
Calvin : That's plenty. By the time we add an introduction, a few
illustrations and a conclusion, it'll look like a graduate thesis.
Miss Wormwood: What state do you live in?
Calvin: Denial.
Miss Wormwood: I don't suppose I can argue with that...
Linux _is_ user-friendly. It is not ignorant-friendly and idiot-friendly.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build
bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce
bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
-- Rick Cook, The Wizardry Compiled
It would be just like programmers to shorten 'the year 2000 problem'
to 'Y2K'-- exactly the kind of thinking that created this situation
in the first place.
-- Steven C. Meyer
There is an old saying that if a million monkeys typed on a million keyboards for a million years, eventually all the works of Shakespeare would be produced. Now, thanks to Usenet, we know this is not true.
A computer scientist is someone who, when told to "Go to Hell," sees the "go to," rather than the destination, as harmful.
Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
Today's PC mistakes were made on the mainframe in 1967 and fixed by 1968.
(Greg Price)
I've noticed lately that the paranoid fear of computers becoming intelligent
and taking over the world has almost entirely disappeared from the common
culture. Near as I can tell, this coincides with the release of MS-DOS.
(Larry DeLuca)
Real programmers don't comment their code. It was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
NOTE: No warranties, either express or implied, are hereby given. All software is supplied as is, without guarantee. The user assumes all responsibility for damages resulting from the use of these features, including, but not limited to, frustration, disgust, system abends, disk head-crashes, general malfeasance, floods, fires, shark attack, nerve gas, locust infestation, cyclones, hurricanes, tsunamis, local electromagnetic disruptions, hydraulic brake system failure, invasion, hashing collisions, normal wear and tear of friction surfaces, comic radiation, inadvertent destruction of sensitive electronic components, windstorms, the Riders of Nazgul, infuriated chickens, malfunctioning mechanical or electrical sexual devices, premature activation of the distant early warning system, peasant uprisings, halitosis, artillery bombardment, explosions, cave-ins, and/or frogs falling from the sky.
We don't claim Interactive EasyFlow is good for anything -- if you
think it is, great, but it's up to you to decide. If Interactive EasyFlow
doesn't work: tough. If you lose a million because Interactive EasyFlow
messes up, it's you that's out the million, not us. If you don't like this
disclaimer: tough. We reserve the right to do the absolute minimum provided
by law, up to and including nothing.
This is basically the same disclaimer that comes with all software
packages, but ours is in plain English and theirs is in legalese.
We didn't really want to include any disclaimer at all, but our
lawyers insisted. We tried to ignore them but they threatened us with the
attack shark at which point we relented.
-- Haven Tree Software Limited, "Interactive EasyFlow"
This is where the bloodthirsty license agreement is supposed to go,
explaining that Interactive Easyflow is a copyrighted package licensed for use by a single person, and sternly warning you not to pirate copies of it and explaining, in detail, the gory consequences if you do.
We know that you are an honest person, and are not going to go around pirating copies of Interactive Easyflow; this is just as well with us since we worked hard to perfect it and selling copies of it is our only method of making anything out of all the hard work.
If, on the other hand, you are one of those few people who do go around pirating copies of software you probably aren't going to pay much attention to a license agreement, bloodthirsty or not. Just keep your doors locked and look out for the HavenTree attack shark.
-- License Agreement for Interactive Easyflow
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
There are two ways of constructing a software design. One way is to make
it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies and the other is to
make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies.
-- Charles Anthony Richard Hoare
I would rather spend 10 hours reading someone else's source code than 10
minutes listening to Musak waiting for technical support which isn't.
-- Dr. Greg Wettstein, Roger Maris Cancer Center
As usual, this being a 1.3.x release, I haven't even compiled this
kernel yet. So if it works, you should be doubly impressed.
-- Linus Torvalds, announcing kernel 1.3.3
And 1.1.81 is officially BugFree(tm), so if you receive any bug-reports
on it, you know they are just evil lies.
-- Linus Torvalds
We all know Linux is great... it does infinite loops in 5 seconds.
-- Linus Torvalds about the superiority of Linux on the Amsterdam Linux Symposium
..I used to get in more fights with SCO than I did my girlfriend, but
now, thanks to Linux, she has more than happily accepted her place back at
number one antagonist in my life..
-- Jason Stiefel, krypto@s30.nmex.comp
Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.
-- Sam Brown, "The Washington Post", January 26, 1977
------------
Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
-- Robert Orben
------------
Since this database is not used for profit, and since entire works are not
published, it falls under fair use, as we understand it. However, if any
half-assed idiot decides to make a profit off of this, they will need to
double check it all...
-- Notes included with the default fortunes database
------------
Personally its not God I dislike, its his fan club I cant stand
------------
http://bash.org/?473599
Mjordan2nd: If you could be any fictional character, who would you be?
Chris: Spider Man
Tim: batman
Sidd: batman
Mjordan2nd: I'd be god
------------
I have great faith in fools -- self confidence my friends call it.
-- Edgar Allan Poe
------------
...very few phenomena can pull someone out of Deep Hack Mode, with two
noted exceptions: being struck by lightning, or worse, your *computer*
being struck by lightning.
-- Matt Welsh
-----------
If it happens, it must be possible.
------------
To err is human -- but it feels divine.
------------
In order to discover who you are, first learn who everybody else is;
you're what's left.
------------
The history of warfare is similarly subdivided, although here the phases
are Retribution, Anticipation, and Diplomacy. Thus:
Retribution:
I'm going to kill you because you killed my brother.
Anticipation:
I'm going to kill you because I killed your brother.
Diplomacy:
I'm going to kill my brother and then kill you on the
pretext that your brother did it.
------------
"If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
- Bert Lantz
------------
If you are smart enough to know that you're not smart enough to be an
Engineer, then you're in Business.
------------
Apathy Club meeting this Friday. If you want to come, you're not invited.
------------
The temperature of the aqueous content of an unremittingly ogled
culinary vessel will not achieve 100 degrees on the Celsius scale.
------------
Who wants to remember that escape-x-alt-control-left shift-b puts you into
super-edit-debug-compile mode?
(Discussion in comp.os.linux.misc on the intuitiveness of commands, especially
Emacs.)
------------
God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.
-- Paul Valery
------------
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in
the world that just don't add up.
------------
It was one of those perfect summer days -- the sun was shining, a breeze
was blowing, the birds were singing, and the lawn mower was broken ...
--- James Dent
------------
Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
------------
"We're running out of adjectives to describe our situation. We
had crisis, then we went into chaos, and now what do we call this?" said
Nicaraguan economist Francisco Mayorga, who holds a doctorate from Yale.
-- The Washington Post, February, 1988
The New Yorker's comment:
At Harvard they'd call it a noun.
------------
If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?
------------
The rain it raineth on the just
And also on the unjust fella,
But chiefly on the just, because
The unjust steals the just's umbrella.
-- Lord Bowen
------------
Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.
-- Jean Cocteau
-------------
It takes less time to do a thing right than it does to explain why you
did it wrong.
-- H.W. Longfellow
--------------
Reality -- what a concept!
-- Robin Williams
--------------
I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth
and they never believe me.
-- Camillo Di Cavour
--------------
Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly.
-- Henry Spencer
--------------
Research is to see what everybody else has seen, and think what nobody
else has thought.
--------------
"Then you admit confirming not denying you ever said that?"
"NO! ... I mean Yes! WHAT?"
"I'll put `maybe.'"
-- Bloom County
--------------
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a
hole in his head.
--------------
Punning is the worst vice, and there's no vice versa.
--------------
Documentation is the castor oil of programming.
Managers know it must be good because the programmers hate it so much.
--------------
Reality is just a crutch for people who can't handle science fiction.
--------------
I don't even butter my bread. I consider that cooking.
-- Katherine Cebrian
--------------
Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by at least one
instruction -- from which, by induction, one can deduce that every
program can be reduced to one instruction which doesn't work.
--------------
,_,
(O,O)
( )
-"-"----------------------------------------------
--
----==-- _ / / \
---==---(_)__ __ ____ __ / / /\ \
--==---/ / _ \/ // /\ \/ / / /_/\ \ \
-=====/_/_//_/\_,_/ /_/\_\ /______\ \ \
A proud member of TeamLinux \_________\/
-- CHaley (HAC), haley@unm.edu, ch008cth@pi.lanl.gov)
--
***************************************************************************
- __o
- _`<
_ (_) /(_)
***************************************************************************
/_\
{ ~._.~ }
( Y )
( )~*~( )
(__)-(__)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
. _________________________________________
. / )| Agastya Nanda |( \
. / / | Computer Science & Engg. | \ \
. _( (_ | IIT Delhi | _) )_
. (((\ \)| /~) www.cse.iitd.ac.in/~mcs112565 (~\ |(/ /)))
. (\\\\ \|/ /___________________________________\ \|/ ////)
. \ / \ /
. \ / \ /
. \ / \ /
. / / \ \
******************************************************************************
|
/^\
/ \
| | ( ) | |
/^\ | /^\ \ / /^\ | /^\
|O| /^\ ( )|-----|( ) /^\ |O|
|_| |-| |^-^|---||-----||---|^-^| |-| |_|
|O| |O| |/^\|/^\|| | ||/^\|/^\| |O| |O|
|-| |-| ||_|||_||| /^\ |||_|||_|| |-| |-|
|O| |O| |/^\|/^\||( )||/^\|/^\| |O| |O|
|-| |-| ||_|||_|||| ||||_|||_|| |-| |-|
|O| |_|----|___|___|||___|||___|___|----|_| |O|
|_|/_______________________________________\|_|
|___|THE TAJ_______________________________|___|
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
--
* * (\__/) * * * *
* (='.'=) * * * *
* * (")_(") ~ Rockin' Goonja~
* * * *I * * * * * *
--
...oooO...............
..(....)...Oooo....
...)../...(....).....
..(_/......)../......
...........(_/.......
... I WAS ...........
......... HERE ......
________*/•|________
_______*/• .|________
______*(.•_ )________
_______ .|¯|_________
_______ .|=|_________
_______ .|=|_________
_______ .|=|_________
_______ .|=|_________
_____,__.|=|_________
____/#|__|=|___/\_____
___(##(_-|=|,__))))____
___\###/..|=|../&&/_____
____\##)&___.&(______
_____)#/&___&&\_____
____/#|&&____.&\\\____
___(##\__&&&_'._).|___
____\ ######### //____
_____"+,_____,+"_____
--
(\ _ /) This is bunny, copy & paste him
(='.'=) into your signature to help him
(")_(") gain world domination.
--